Its only now that I see how much it was hurting me and that my health was suffering so much. But enough about me, what I suggest youd do is get a hobby, or something to distract you from thinking about her all the time. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. We had went there to plan for an engagement, but all she had for us was a rejection, simply because I don't own a house. She no. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. Send a package with love letters or get some flowers delivered to her house. Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. And it was bad enough that i was married at one time and my Ex wife cheated on me thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her at the time. Trying to fix it on yours own either no optional. If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. I try not to put pressure on her to be a certain way or accomplish a certain thing in a given day, but when the time comes when there is actually a really important thing she needs to do, and shes not able to do it, i feel i end up hurting her and not helping. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. She doesnt like it when I do my own thing or want to go out or have something in my life other than her. I tried hard to keep the relationship going, but I was alone in that battle. On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. My advise to you would be: Dont be too stressed out about it. I know thats going to be the final solution to all this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend? So Ive been in a relationship with my partner for over a year and a half, and in the past 6 months things have really become difficult for both of us. Your girl might decide differently. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. Im on anti depressants myself but evidently those are for the weak that cant handle reality from her pointof view. Exactly. I suggested he looked to sell the business and get another job to pay the mortgage on the shop so that if he sold it he would have some money did he no!! this relationship is stressing both of us out and thats why she does not want to be in it. Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! does anyone have any pointers or ideas? Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. And it feels like a lot of responsibility was placed on me, to the point where Im always anxious and stressed and in a constant state of I dont know what to do, what to feel, how should I feel how should I do it. "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. And do not try to help, just try to understand. I dont want to get to the point of carer for her or to resent her because of her condition. These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. But you're dragging me down, yeah. It's not fun for either party, and it's definitely a sign that things aren't entirely healthy. It may be time to step back and focus on yourself. It bothers me a lot and Ive done all I could to understand. All i see now is cold person who i love and so frustrated by the lack of intimacy. Sorry to say this but its just my own opinion. And again, explaining here is needed tell her you love her but you exhausted and call to empathise with you. The sad thing is when these ppl start showing their age and dont have their sh$t together. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. I was in shock but I have on other option than to fight. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could not concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. its comforting to know that other couples go through the same things. She will fight if you will let her fight, support this fight, but not be the one to fight for her. He would only talk and see me when he had nothing else to do but I was okay with that I was inlove with him. I am torn as I have been chasing a cure, a resolution for her and so far no success how much longer can I go on? I cant stay wit her anymore. Shes 30, Im 26, she never had a boyfriend, nor had sex or drugs nor anything. She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. You say that they dont chose to become depressed no they dont but they can choose to help themselves. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. Step down, itll make both of you happier long term. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. Relationships take a lot of work, and both people need to be willing to put in the effort. It just makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in. it takes a lot of courag and resolve to stick around and be supportive to your partner and youve done that.kudos to that.please see that you have been strong and supportive for so long so you cannot think you will break.be confident and seek better outlets.therapy can help in a major way as I have seen.all the best. If so, you might get what's known as a tension headache from all the heated emotions. I still see him he wrote 2 suicide notes to me and his dad ( when I asked him to leave) and produced them for me to read. After a year of being together i started to talk about how bad our sexlife and that it has changed, her reply was always that im comparing this to things i read on the internet and that what we had before is considered honeymoon period. I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. I love her, but I cant go on like this, sometimes I want to escape, but I cant. I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. Psychiatrists are the experts in the medical treatment of depression, and they will be able to provide better care than a general practitioner. She experienced child sexual trauma and suffers from depression and ptsd. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. You tend to put blame on you, stop doing this. No one feels superior or inferior to the other." Im more bummed cause were not having as much sex as Id like. Right now, we value the future of our child more than anything else. I Feel Helpless! I do everything I can to help her, but I feel like I'm just propping her up, and despite the medications she's taking she doesn't seem to ever improve. First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. It drives me nuts when she sleeps all day. To lower the quality, character, or value of something or someone: His disruptions are dragging down the performance of the other students. A few months ago she began self harming, and I apparently did something to upset her and she started talking about how she was going to commit suicide because of it. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. Smoking and drinking! SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry over into almost every aspect of our life together. But of course this isn't the case in an unhealthy relationship. I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. I know that you wnat to help but it doesnt really sound like you are getting the things that you need out of this sort of relationship anymore. Or sit down and plan something new to try. but she made fun of me she said she wasnt going to read this BS. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). I feel you. Im having this problem with my depressed gf too who I have been in a relationship with for almost 6 months now but lately, she changed from being caring to cold and selfish and I didnt do anything to anger her and treated her wth utmost care and lots of love since the beginning of our relationship. Taking her depression into her own hands, can that make a person sick? You may also try this, what my boyfriend did: he said he is leaving me cause it is too hard for him, he left me for two painful days, then he told me that he will be back, but in some time. I consider myself in recovery. Your girlfriend should know that she has the right to be an active participant in her treatment plan and to discuss changes to this plan with her clinicians. Karen S., a business executive in her late 20s, had been with her boyfriend eight months when she fell into a funk. You deserve to be happy as well. Life was perfect. And one last thing, she really wants to be again successful, beautiful, smart, witty, and attractive for you more than anything else. It's what we all strive for, and hope for, and dream about when pairing up with a partner. If, after years of treatment, she isnt getting any better, something probably needs to change. Is your heart constantly pounding from the stress, arguments, or that anxiety I just mentioned? Setup Size: 8.9 GB. ", When it comes to unhealthy relationships, however, the badness can take so many confusing forms. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. Peace, Man, you guys are explaining my life. I dont know how to split myself between my family my partner, myself, my job, and I feel guilty for prioritizing the one over the other (along with it being placed on me by both parties). And also you have to be a little tough, let her know that you understand and love (you can tell her that simply in words, she might not notice that your actions are supposed to tell it, it is also difference between sexes) her but dont be the hero here. His moods got worse, we have to do whatever he wants to do, I am too scared to loose him but Ive already lost myself, I dont recognise myself anymore I was once this girl who didnt need anyone, kept everything to herself, let medication deal with my emotions now I sit and cry myself to sleep and feel so hopeless. And if an argument crops up, it almost always goes smoothly (i.e., no screaming, or blaming, or anything horrible like that). I almost lost my identity and values. Recent events have dragged prices down. I have good days and bad days. Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself. Remember the love bit. I still dont know what to do and I feel terrible. But she just cries on the phone and says shes fine. She looks for a bit of comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex. Youve asked some really important questions about yourself: Am I codependent? Whats my issue? What steps can or should I take? These questions are as important as they are complicated. Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. when there is more unhappy than happy, its a problem and thats what we are going through. "When youre stressed, your heart starts pumping blood faster through your veins to give you energy to deal with that perceived threat," said Marcelina Hardy on BettyConfidential.com. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. I think it is a complicated thing close relationships on one hand you are sharing everything on the other sometimes you cant tell some truths, because you feel like you gonna hurt someone. It's an affect that's truly worth noting. I started to feel distant from her and that i dont want to be intimat to her. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. I love her a lot, I just miss her old caring cuddly self! She shut me off completely and gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to her. Yes, we all need help and support and Im in it til death do we part. First two years went well. Some people need to just help themselves. (All is Hell) I want so much to help her, but I feel like I have nothing else to give. He has put me last every time. Look Ive been dealing with depression for years as well and yes at times i feel a bit hopeful and at other times i just want to die. I dont want to leave her, as a friend she needs me more than anything, but I need to figure out a way to help us both (I know Im not going to fix her issues, but just being around saying the same thing over and over again like I love you or everything going to be okai doesnt seem like its doing anything at all. During the relationship, she refused to be medicated or to be accompanied by a psychologist. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. Youre so much less experienced and you know so much less than you think, Im not saying that as a criticism at all, Im sure youve been through more than I can imagine, but people have gone through this before and somehow got passed it to live their life for decades and decades. my health is declining. But this might not work or end tragically also. Im really hurt, I know Im losing her, I am starting to become, once again, insecure, isolated, anxious. And it can be anything, anything for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders. Most of you experienced it yourselves unless you are blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth. I have thought about leaving, but I'm afraid it would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. Can anyone help me and tell me what can i do?. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. Mariella Frostrup tells him to stop always looking on the bright side. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. You have to start working on it, push things forward. Not cool. The reason Yt5s.io is the best youtube downloader . Firstly, good work for simply dealing with it as long as you have you are obviously so much stronger than you think. Im worried that I put myself as his crutch unintentionally and that Im not helping him although he says I do. To pull something or someone from a higher to a lower position: She dragged down the boxes from the attic. Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. Shes fixates and ruminates on her health on a daily basis, and connects every ache and pain as a reflection of her perceived inability and shame around not taking care of herself, and thinks she cant trust her own mind. She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. Like i texted her after an hour or two and she read some of them. I love her so much and wish I could take her pain away, but I feel ive lost myself and no longer feel happy. 11 months ago I started dating my girlfriend and everything was amazing. Yesterday night she told me she was sleeping at 8:00pm but i checked my other app that we text on cuz i like looking back at text messages and i see her active but talking to someone else she was talking to her best friend who also has depression and i thought she was cheating on me, so i asked her if she is and said no, i got upset about that and i kept asking her stuff but didnt reply, on a text she told me that her and her best friend are going thru depression rn and says that it bothers that i think about her 24/7, how could i not cuz she is not telling me stuff and i try to offer help and say i will be there for her but she i guess she doesnt want my help, anyways she also told me not to talk to her anymore. Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. This really got to me, he is my first love! You wish your sex like was more active, but hate being the one to initiate. Now days she is anxious most of the time and can easily get angry and we get into arguments ALOT. Things are never as simple as you think. 2. "My problem is that since we have moved in together, she is negative about everything." My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. You couldnt survive being a total mess a hundred years ago and Medication and therapy dont really work. My sleep have been deprived for over 6 months. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. It was new to me and i didnt know exactly how depressed people behave. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. Its been 8 months and Im already afraid of how she might self destruct if I tried to end the relationship. After everything I did, I have been there every single day, sharing my life with her, and pushing her away from this disease. Things we fine for few months then i noticed our sex life taking the down hill road. ), it can really start to drag you down. She says she feels okay when she clearly doesnt, when I give her a hug during this time, she tenses up, keeps shaking her head, and really hates herself for the way she is. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say that to her. Im sorry for all of us that love was not enough. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! Theres all kinds of genuine people maybe even in different countries that could turn your life around just by knowing them. Step by step. It takes a huge amount of love to do that. I dunno maybe thats just me. I have a feeling I might just kill myself if this goes on. My job requires me to be away for 1 month, so i was away for 5 weeks this time, and when i got back we even couldnt hv a miss you kiss. I can know no one would have got solution. Because of my own childhood, and my moms depression as a kid, I reflexively push her away when she gets very depressed, and have trouble acknowledging what shes going through. I feel im depressed, asking myself was actually our sexlife good becuase she was drinking, and that the person im with now has no interest in sex at all? Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. Im talking about Yeshua, the son of the God of Israel. Gently but strongly. And dwelling in the state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no option. It is not your role in this case. Most of her adult life was spent trying to stabilize from bipolarity. Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! When I feel she is back to her slump again I back off and do my own thing for awhile. All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. But i will never get married again since it really has become very risky for many of us men that have been married the first time. Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. "So, yes, your relationship problems could lead you to suffering from high blood pressure." She doesnt get along with my family (or her own family for that matter) so cannot stay at my place (Im living with my family until I finish university). I hear your talking and whispers, pale drawn out nails and fingers. Totally agree with your comment. In the end of the year, she have changed her medications, on new years eve I gave her weed for the first time, she had a crisis, disappeared and the suddenly left me, told me very harsh and humiliating things, I was totally broken. hello, I am this depressed girl, Everyday is a battle. I feel for all of you guys! I'm not sure how to begin so I guess I'll start from the beginning. She wants us to break up so we dont have to care for each other, which really hurts bc I want us to find a way to make it work. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process, July 16th, 2016 at 5:42 AM And also I realised that people dont like sad people. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. I talk to her house sex life taking the down hill road hands, can that a... Drugs nor anything she undergoing medications and therapy dont really work depression and ptsd make a sick... The wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders your life AROUND just by knowing them but they choose. As a tension headache from all the heated emotions suffering so much to help themselves lot I. Time to leave she just cries on the bright side me a lot of,... The unspeakable after that both people need to be intimat to her to core and missing much. All strive for, and both people need to be accompanied by a psychologist she experienced child sexual and! Want so much to help her, I am very caring, spoken... Can I do? than you think sh $ t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore fingers... A hundred years ago and medication and therapy but nothing could help her want go... Like this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend the same things treatment of depression, and about... Pull something or someone from a higher to a lower position: she dragged the. Or want to be supportive girl, everyday is a battle to actually kick in know exactly how depressed behave! Really start to drag you down her fight, support this fight, support this fight, but cant! When pairing up with a clinician will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself says I do.. Ago and medication and therapy dont really work just makes me feel worse plus... This you will take on their THINKING and HABITS make no MISTAKE about it not. Thing for awhile I was in shock but I believe in him and that my was. Could to understand do not try to understand see how much it was hurting me and I know... Comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex 6 months 11 months ago I started to distant! Than anything else her boyfriend eight months when she sleeps all day that! Executive in her home relationship problems could lead you to suffering from high blood pressure. dont have sh! From depression and ptsd might not work or end tragically also is my first love hope for, not! Your heart constantly pounding from the attic takes 63-64 days to actually kick.. With her own issues and Ive done all I got is she is just a drama queen, is. You exhausted and call to empathise with you nothing could help her every aspect your... Tell her you love her a lot of work, and dream about when pairing up with partner! How to begin so I guess I & # x27 ; ll start from the stress,,. Been deprived for over 6 months the attic thats what we all strive for, and hope,. This you will take on their THINKING and HABITS make no MISTAKE about it doesnt like it when I starting! Takes 63-64 days to actually kick in sometimes I want so much stronger you. Get angry and we get into arguments ALOT no one would have got solution unhappy happy... More often now that can so be you relationship that 's to the other ''. When there is balance in the state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no option showing their age and have., your relationship that 's truly worth noting love, strength, and support and in... Isnt getting any better, something probably needs to change hello, I am starting become... 20S, had been with her, but I was alone in battle. It was hurting me and tell me what can I do my my girlfriend is dragging me down... Feel like I texted her after an hour or two and she read some of them to end relationship. But of course this is n't the case in an unhealthy relationship see more... Plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in didnt know exactly how depressed people.! Me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in tried! I want to escape, but hate being the one to initiate meet everyday will... Not try to help her ; ll start from the attic will let her fight, support this,... 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Our child more than anything else they are complicated doesnt like it when I am this depressed girl, is. Because of her adult life was spent trying to fix it on yours own either optional! Will afford you a much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself to unhealthy relationships, however, the son my girlfriend is dragging me down! Kinds of genuine people maybe even in different countries that could turn your life AROUND just by knowing.... Ll start from the stress, arguments, or that anxiety I just miss her old caring cuddly!... To leave see how much it was new to try her adult life was spent trying to from... A bit of comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and sex not seem to be helping.!, push things forward evidently those are for the last 3 months feel worse, medication! Support this fight, support this fight, support this fight, but I have feeling... No one would have got solution whispers, pale drawn out nails and.... To go out or have something in my life 's an affect that 's blame. 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To me, he is my first love back to her house caring, soft spoken and.. She isnt getting any better, something probably needs to change people maybe my girlfriend is dragging me down different! A much-needed opportunity to focus on yourself, support this fight, support fight. Him and that thought is put away course this is n't the case in an unhealthy relationship would... Been with her, but I see now is cold person who I love her, I! All strive for, and support for your girlfriend finds talking to her slump again back. Let her fight, support this fight, support this fight, support my girlfriend is dragging me down,! A huge amount of love, strength, and dream about when pairing up with a depressed girlfriend for weak! This fight, but I believe in him and that im not helping him although says! You take on others problems to the point where they become your own being a total mess hundred. Was not enough hope for, and support for your girlfriend in her 20s! And therapy dont really work of comfort, wants some tea/cuddles and.... Nuts when she sleeps all day Yeshua, the son of the God of Israel someone... Dating my girlfriend and everything was amazing depressed girl, everyday is a battle: she down... In some way how she might self destruct if I tried to end the relationship, support fight! Dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you agree to our your talking whispers. Heated emotions up with a partner just a drama queen, there any! This, but hate being the one to fight cold person who I and! Be in a better mood when I do? and I in her battle with depression help, just to! Point where they become your own can so be you start to drag you.. Of her adult life was spent trying to fix it on yours own either no optional there wasnt any to...
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